... and then we sat down on a bench and had a couple of cigarettes.
I have to share. There must be a reason why I'm in the field that I am because I attract crazy people all over the place. I was sitting on a park bench near my work and doing some work when a man came up to me asking for a smoke. I gave him a cigarette and we started chatting about how he was knifed at the Corso Italia festival. He showed me his cuts and they were really disgusting. I thought I was going to throw up. When he was fighting the guys off, he was hit in the head by another guy from behind. They smacked him in the neck with a lead pipe and he fell unconscious. When he awoke, he was bleeding from all the lacerations and all his money was stolen.
Turns out this guy's a bit of a fighter. He said he studied martial arts in China and now gets money from his si-fu in Chicago.
Now I'm just sittin' here totally wigging out at his stories. In 1973, he was sent by his master to a meeting where Japanese and Chinese clans were trying to mediate some conflicts. He was chased after a while after by some punks and he had to kill one of them. "The only time I ever killed a man, Sunny."
I stood up to give a Somali man (with greasy hands like he was covered in Vaseline) a cigarette. He used my cigarette to light his and covered my hand in goo. I wiped it off and reluctantly smoked my cigarette again. Whatever, I'm not a germaphobe. Anyway, he offered to cash his GST cheque and to buy me a back of cheap RK's but I declined and he went off to Money Mart.
So Mr. Samurai continues his stories and tries to play a sleight of hand game with me. He had really strong hands and knew a lot of tricks so I eventually gave in that this guy probably was a martial arts specialist.
He stands up and wants to show me some moves. He made me pretend to come at him a few times and I was so reluctant as I felt a weird vibe from him. So he fucking comes at me and tries to do all these twists and defense moves on me. I'm fucking yelping in pain because I didn't want to suddenly hurt the guy so I just kept taking it till he let go.
Then he grabbed me again my arms and I wasn't going to take it again so I myself went on the defense and didn't let him do much to me. He started yelling "you're using force!!" and I replied, "um, yeah! You're trying to break my arm!"
So he keeps on trying to do all these twists and chest techniques and they were REALLY clever but I don't know if I was just a ninja in another life or I'm just quick but I defended myself pretty well.
Eventually, when he took out his numchucks fabric and metal thingie (he called it "Brenda" and proceeded to fling it around till it formed the shape of a vagina) from his bag, I told him to back off.
He did, put the weapon away and I asked him to sit back down.
We chatted for another 30 minutes about his travels and smoked a few cigarettes. Funny fucking guy. I'm gonna send him some Chinese tea as he gave me his address in case I ever needed a martial arts lesson.
