I don't know if anyone has learned this technique of facilitating a group, moderating a meeting or getting concise and useful information from your friends when a conflict/situation arises but I would like to share it with you.
I just got back from a 3 day social development conference and we learned all these strategies for effective communication and leadership.
But I'm proposing that all of you try this Focused Conversation technique on your friends as it was a total epiphany for me.
FOCUSED CONVERSATION - a type of communication that uses a specific line of questioning to resolve an issue within a minimized amount of time. Divided into 4 parts. Use it this order..
Say the situation is your friend is on the celly and is talking in circles about his friend backstabbing him because he is reacting emotionally and you're confused.. You have 10 minutes before you have to get back to work...
1. OBJECTIVE - the facts What happened? How did he backstab you? Can you tell me in a nutshell what happened?
Details are NOT crucial to this.
2. REFLECTIVE - reactions, can be your own thoughts How does this feel? What are you feeling? What am I feeling? Can be thoughts in your head about your own reaction or you can ask the person directly.. MOST people get stuck here and that's where the roundabout communication happens. It never gets to a resolution.
3. INTERPRETIVE - values, signifance, signs How is this important to me? Why are you telling me this? What is the signifance of telling me?
4. DECISIONAL- Next steps, what your own involvement should be What do you want me to do? What do you think we should do? What are the next steps? Do you want to meet at a specific time? Let's say a meet-up is scheduled.
BAM! Less than 10 minutes, you've established the story, what you feel, whether you care or not and you've set a plan for the next steps. You go back into work more at ease because you have scheduled the next steps instead of trying to listen to him babble on and on as you look at your watch because time is running out.
I tried it twice this weekend and it TOTALLY works. It's amazing how a simple method and order of questioning can resolve things temporarily.
During the break in this seminar, I got this phonecall. He seemed to be reluctant and going in circles. I was confused about what to say and what he wanted. So I pulled this out of my ass as an experiment and in less than 6 minutes, it was resolved. And we made plans. And I went back into the conference with a peace of mind and not trying to text him under my table or something.
TRY IT.
Supposedly a lot of CEO's and top managers use it consistently from the CEO of Shell to head doctors at hospitals.
Oh, and I met a married Jewish scotch drinking partner who flirted with me a bit. Stories to be told!
PS: Oakville is a bag of ass. So boring. My hotel was nice but Mr. Harper was there so I spent a lot of my time seething.
